2023 was a packed year, with many life events completed, including wedding photos and the ceremony. My wedding dress was something my husband and I personally selected and prepared. The whole wedding preparation taught me a lot, but I also lost Sierra (Husky) during this time.
Unexpectedly, at the beginning of 2024, I lost my grandmother. I always thought of myself as a cold and rational person, and indeed I am, but when I get emotional, I can't hold back the tears.
Lately, I often reminisce about my childhood. My grandma was the one who spoiled and loved me the most. She always told others, "She is my favorite granddaughter."
My grandma would wake up at 5:00 am to sun the quilts. I miss the smell of the quilts in the Beijing courtyard, the bags of milk and eggs prepared by my grandma in the morning, the flowers and cherry trees she planted in the courtyard, and our old dog.
I miss the cold winters in Beijing when I would tell my grandma, "I'm cold, I want to go to the toilet," and she would say, "Just pee in the bed, grandma will clean it up." I didn't dare, and when my mom found out, she would always scold my grandma, "Who spoils a child like this?"
When I was young, I would listen to my grandparents teach me about antiques and the history of painting at our home in Beijing. As I grew up, I always thought that I would teach my descendants the same. I miss that peaceful life.
I always remember a time when my grandma was delirious, she thought I had a child and asked me, "Boy or girl?" I humored her and said, "A girl." I can't forget her almost tearful, joyous expression when she said, "That's great, daughters are good, it would be nice if she's like you."
I can't forget the tears my grandma shed before she closed her eyes for the last time, and how tightly she closed them. I truly hope she didn't suffer and didn't leave with regrets.
I'm fortunate that I was able to accompany my grandma for these past 6 years, and that I managed to hold my wedding ceremony last year. This fulfilled some of her wishes and left fewer regrets. The saddest part of life is losing someone who loves you. Out of the 8 billion people in the world, only a handful truly love you.
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